I stand at the doctor's office and look at the receptionist with blank eyes. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
"When. is. Charlie's. birthday?"
"Ummm..." my chronic inability to remember dates is compounded by the embarrassment that my new, sweet baby boy's birthday is not on the tip of my tongue. "Ummmm...."
The receptionist studies me and waits, with her head tilted slightly. "C'mon lady," I think, "I know it's right there in your computer. How many newborn Charlie Barnetts could there possibly be at this practice? What's with the early morning pop quiz?!"
"Ummm... July.... umm..." I laugh-awkwardly and it hits me "July 22nd!" I yell out, a little too triumphantly. She looks at her computer and nods. Yessssss. Got it right.
"Man I need sleep, huh?! Mom brain!"
To all those mammas out there who are tackling each day under the influence of "mom brain," this post is for you.
Here is a (in no way comprehensive) list of some dumb/embarrassing things I've done since having kids:
2 years ago I opened a car door ON MY OWN FACE and chipped my front tooth. No, I had not been drinking. It was the middle of the day and I was tired and rushing to a dear friend's baby shower and BAM!, knocked a big section of my tooth right out.
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The morning after the tooth chipping incident, we were living about 10 minutes from the train station and I had to drop Ty off at 6 a.m. As I left the train station, I decided I deserved a massive americano from Starbucks for all of my tooth/sleep woes and hit the drive through. I ordered and pulled up to the window, looking like a hot mess (picture my front tooth still overtly chipped, mascara smudged wildly under my eyes, giant sweatshirt inside out over my PJs) and realized as the cashier opened the window that I had left my wallet at home. "Oh my gosh. I am sooo sorry. I just realized I don't have my wallet. I will run home and come back." \ "Oh honey," the sweet woman looked me up and down with eyes of pure motherly concern. "it's ok. This one's on me."
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When we first moved into our house I didn't know how the security system worked and clearly didn't know how toddlers work because I left the security control pad on the floor of our bedroom. In a rush to get ready one morning, I took the control pad from Henry (who had been fiddling with it) and brought the kids in the shower with me. As I stepped out of the shower I heard voices yelling up from our stairway. Yep. While Henry was playing with the control pad he'd called the fire department. They had to break into our house in light of the fact that I was in the shower and not hearing my phone or the doorbell.
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The fire department might have to start sending us yearly bills because last month Ty was in the city for a work event and I locked myself out of the house WITH ALL 3 KIDS INSIDE. Vi and Henry were sleeping and I had just nursed Charlie and laid him in bed. I poured myself a big glass of victory wine and scooped myself a huge bowl of victory ice cream when I remembered that I needed to take the garbage out. Unfortunately I forgot that I had already locked up for the night so when I walked out the basement door and into the garage it immediately locked behind me. I freaked out, startling my sweet neighbor by frantically knocking on her door at 10:30pm. We tried, quite unsuccessfully, to pick the lock. I called a locksmith who couldn't come for over an hour. "Call the police" she said. The fire department arrived (again) and broke in, this time through our back door. Fortunately, when I got inside all 3 kids were sleeping like sweet little angel babies. In hindsight, the worst part of the whole ordeal (aside from the blinding fear that Charlie had been crying inside and woken Henry up, who in turn decided to make mac and cheese on the stove by himself and also give Charlie a haircut with Ty's clippers) was that by the time I got inside my ice cream had melted. Waaa waaaaa.
Plenty more where that came from, but I'll stop there. Enjoy your week and remember: We all do dumb things!
Hugs,
kb
