On Vulnerability and Parenting a Ninja

Inspired by Brenè Brown and so many other women out there writing and sharing and championing vulnerability, I started my own blog last week. At the moment when I wrote it I was feeling more.. how do you say... "On the verge of losing my marbles" than "inspired." Fortunately being on the verge of losing your marbles can be really helpful when it comes to writing something real. 

After I posted my blog I had some really kind and wonderful people encourage me and offer to help me in my pregnant/sick/sleep deprived/wild-eyed time of need. I was reminded that even in the moments when I feel lonely as a mostly stay-at-home mom, I am surrounded by this amazing, caring community of people--many of whom have been right where I'm at--and that I am not at all alone. Thank you so much for that reminder. 

The other thing I took away from the experience of sharing was just what Brenè Brown was talking about when she wrote "The Power of Vulnerability." 

Once I shared a parenting low point (and lest you think that wasn't so bad, we have been much lower, trust me), I began noticing some changes. 

For instance, I didn't feel my blood pressure rise to dangerous levels when Henry found Christmas sprinkles in the pantry the next morning and dumped them all over our floor (Yes, he dumps out all of the things. All of the time. We are working on it. Anyone who knows him can attest to the fact that he is basically Dash + Curious George combined. So fast. So sneaky. A toddler ninja really.) 

    Our little Ninja at work 

Anyway, I'm looking at this blanket of sprinkles on the floor and wondering why I don't feel my usual bubbling rage/anxiety. And these are the super tiny sprinkles, guys. They are freaking everywhere. His face is dyed green. His hands are dyed green. My pantry door is covered in green handprints. 

I bathe the kids and we have another great flood but today I don't care about it as much. I calmly grab the towels that I had to wash from the bath time flood the night before and soak up the mess. While my kids giggle and cover one another in bubbles I ponder where this new zen Kelly has come from. Where has she been all of my life?! Then it hits me. 

The great power of vulnerability is that the perfection jig is up. Hey world! I'm not always awesome at my job and don't always love it and my home currently looks like a frat house that got hit with the flu (for reals), so if you stop over unannounced you won't be surprised that I haven't showered in 3 days and there's pizza sauce on my walls and I am throwing bowls of Cheerios (Now gluten free! Mom win!) at my children for breakfast while they sit on the couch naked. Sorry. We buy organic and I make some awesome green smoothies (those are still in right? Or is that soo 2010?) just about every day around here but every once in awhile Portillos cheese fries are in order. I'm only human. 

Phew. That felt good. You guys already knew I wasn't perfect. Now I know that you know and this is all just soooo much easier. 

Freeeedom!!!

I'm not saying that because I shared with you all how many times I pee my pants every day when I am pregnant and have bronchitis, I'll never lose my temper again. I obviously will. The other day Henry walked into the bathroom with an empty plastic cup and emerged with a full one... It hit me as the cup touched his lips that I NEVER HEARD WATER RUNNING. That's the kind of stuff I'm dealing with over here. 2 year olds chugging toilet water. Barf. 

I AM saying that after one of the most dark and challenging years of my life (I'll go into some of that another day), I needed some light. I've been praying for healing. And I feel like God answered my plea by reminding me of two incredibly important things this week. I'm sharing them for anyone else who needs a little light right now:

Be Real

This one is obviously not a novel idea... Many have said it before me and more eloquently. But sometimes I have to hear things a million times before they sink in so I'm sharing it again for people like myself... Find a community with kind people and in your own time, in your own way, share your reality. For me, writing helps a ton because I have always communicated better that way. But hey.. You do you. 

Find Your Yoga

We all have a thing (or multiple things) we like to do where an hour passes and it feels like minutes. Whether it is quilting, writing, drawing, actual yoga, running, building model airplanes, singing.. Whatever isn't a paid job and brings forth a sort of meditative state in your day.. Make it a priority. The hard things don't seem as overwhelming when you are tackling them from a place of fullness. And don't make the mistake of thinking that just being busy will fill you up. Be intentional! 

Fortunately for me, writing hits both of these items on the list. So now that I am feeling restored and have a sleeping toddler, I am off to tackle the mountain of laundry that has been staring at me for weeks. (And by "tackle laundry" I clearly mean turning on The Barefoot Contessa and doing lunges while I text my besties.)  

Praying your week is full in all the best ways! 

kb

"Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light."

Brené Brown